#Shy
OK here goes another one. But instead of using a Google or Wikipedia reference screen grab I don’t think I need to for the word “shy”. We all get that.
A tad embarrassed, a little uncomfortable or blushing with a feeling of being overawed somewhat.
I’m talking here about not being shy to lead.
I’m enraptured by the world of self-managed, self-organised and alternative ways of working. Some might call them progressive. I use that word. Some might say flat. I don’t use that so much. Some might say holacracy. I have my thoughts on that.
But some of the ways people act in these set-ups is to shun, decry or suppress forms of leadership. Like someone leading is a bad thing, it’s too traditional and orthodox and it’s not what’s needed in the next stage (yes I use next stage).
So my urge here is not be shy to lead. When the situation demands it. When people need it. When the challenges are directing it. Lead. Lead others. Lead processes. Lead thoughts into action.
Even the most admired of self-managed team set ups I’ve come across, researched, experienced and even helped build, leading is essential. Just not always, all the same people and for all situations.
Leading without being shy to lead, means you can see how a sensible approach to getting the best from a challenge, opportunity or occurrence needs someone to lead — even for a short time and to establish some form of distributed leadership.
I once led a talent development project in a 1000 strong not-for-profit enterprise.
I had a senior leader help drive this through the entire business, but I led the construct, the tools and the efforts. People on it, building it and watching it needed someone to lead it.
But it wasn’t mine. It was theirs. So I led it for them. It was an honour to lead it and lead it for them.
I have also been part of communities, networks, practice groups. Many of whom stuttered when someone wasn’t leading them. The once inspiring Connecting HR lost its way somewhat when there was no-one to hold the space.
I’ve got a good friend now in the shape of humble genius Vijay Raju. He’s worked with Eric Ries on early Lean StartUp phase, and did a phenomenally interesting TEDx talk on leadership as a space. I was captivated by it. you can find it here. I won’t spoil Vijay’s talk but it’s a fascinating way to look at leadership without any shyness, ego or forcefulness.
It’s about holding the space.
Frederic Laloux also uses this term in Reinventing Organizations as does Otto Sharmer in Theory U. Two frames that inspire me and I admire and believe in very strongly.
Indeed leaders who occupy the space these wise people talk about, are ego-less, humble, empathy-led people. Who recognise that they are in service of something greater. And for that, we don’t need to be shy of leadership in THAT scenario.
Indeed in conversation with Mara Tolja tonight, I said this:
We shouldn’t be shy of leading. We should be shy of dominating.
I’ve recently taken over the organising of Responsive Org London. I am being un-shy in leading this. Because Responsive Org is a space. A space to bring people together to explore the concept of an organisation that responds to the varying state of human need in the world of work.
I’ve been delighted by people offering to help me shape this reboot of this community. They needed me to lead it initially in order for them to become leading influencers, shapers and drivers of something useful for this community to stand for, do and impact upon.
We shouldn’t be shy of leading. We should be shy of demanding.
When we’re in a position to work with our passion. Our desire for meaning. Our need to belong, leading in this space, isn’t about shyness. It also isn’t about braggadocio and pumping your fist to your chest.
It’s about being gentle. Inspiring. Believable. Yes, authentic. Empathic. Kind. Helpful. Visionary. Inclusive. Participatory. Decisive. Just. Fair. Tolerant. Keen. Energetic. Realistic. Purposeful.
We shouldn’t be shy of leading. We should be shy of disappearing.
When some of the greatest leaders of history have risen to fame for their exploits, it didn’t appear like any of them were shy. But we know from research that some had dubious back-stories. Some had such fallibility and even dark secrets that we were shocked when we heard of their shortcomings.
We shouldn’t be shy of leading. We should be shy of disguising.
I see some people who have leading influence in my trade, HR, and in the world attached to it like sage-on-stage thought leaders and experts. And senior director types and leaders with the title to match.
They’re not always what they appear to be. They’re not always the fakers some make them out to be. They certainly don’t appear to be shy, commanding their big platforms with their big delivery styles or key roles with Director on their email signature.
But when you get to know them, and only today I saw some great examples recently of purely warm, keen, human ways, they are more subtle than we might give them credit for. And they’re a little more vulnerable than we give them credit for.
People like Nilofer Merchant. Nathalie Nahai. Jamie Notter. Matthew Gonnering. Matt Perez. Vishen Lakhiani. Michael Tuteur. Nathan Donaldson. Siobhan Sheridan. Dawn Wilde. Naeema Pasha. Gail Hatfield. Laura Smrekar. Bob Chapman. Jos de Blok. Helen Sanderson. Paul Taylor-Pitt.
Humble, real, nice people.
We shouldn’t be shy of leading. We should be shy of duping.
These people I list don’t dupe anyone. They are humble and that shouldn’t be confused with shyness. They lead with the right mental models and their hearts fully engaged.
So next time you’re asked to lead, see a chance to lead and think you should lead; with the heart engaged and head clear on why, don’t be shy about leading.
If your intent is true; your ways are just; your impact is palpable, then you lead without shyness.
We shouldn’t be shy of leading. We should be shy of denying.
Denying our chance of making people feel alive, noticed and capable.
Don’t be afraid of being too shy to lead. Be more afraid of being arrogant enough to think no-one else could do it as good as you could.
We shouldn’t be shy of leading. We should be shy of delusion.
We shouldn’t be shy of leading. We should be shy of deferring.
